Chapter 93. Emotionally Faithful

-“I never cheated on her, you know? I am emotionally faithful” he said to me as he finished his beer. – “You have to understand, you are a woman, the most understanding woman I know, actually. You are a bit like a guy. I am sorry for saying this but it’s true. This is very simple guy reasoning”.

– “What do you mean emotionally faithful?”

-“What I mean is that I love her and care about her. I provide for her and she has everything she could ask for. Yes, I sleep with other women here and there, I am a guy you know, we do that kind of thing, sometimes to prove something to ourselves ok listen I am going to be very honest here, I even like to pay a woman sometimes to do what I need without having to pay her drinks or dinner…but I am emotionally faithful, yes, given the fact that I am only emotionally involved with one. There is nothing to freak out about this I think. All guys or maybe I should say most guys do it. Now she is not talking to me because she found out…Uhh..Can I come to you place? We can order some pizza or something? I am a mess if she leaves me. I just can’t be alone. That’s it, you know this about me. I don’t want to be alone. I am terrified.

“Ah…that” I had not been able to listen to the last part. The realization and this new concept was so strong that I had to keep processing what I was listening to.

So this man unveiled to me how many men see it. It is OK to have sex with other women as long as your wife has it all and you don´t get emotionally involved.

We went out that night, he kept tipping the waitress… I kept drinking my beer.

The whole conversation kept pounding on my head. I looked at him there he was, playing pool, he seemed content now, as if my presence there had provided some validation to his theory, he kept looking at me smiling. I shouldn’t even hang out with a guy like this.

I saw him a couple of weeks ago. His wife had filed for divorced, apparently she was the one having an affair, an emotional one nonetheless. He called her a bitch of course! How does she dare to find someone who really loves her, called her everyday when he was on business trips fucking around.

Of course he did not get it. He was destroyed.

“He is a fucking looser! He does not even own a business! What am I going to do now alone? I asked her if I could move to the guest house. She said no”

Go figure.

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Chapter 92. Rich men have affairs at lunchtime

We had not even started the main course and he was already offering a trip to Cuba. Then he announced:

“I’m not leaving my wife” it sounded as a condition to carry on with the conversation.

“I haven’t asked you to, I am not leaving my husband” I replied.

He was on this website for married dating with discretion. A website with over 45,000 users and counting.

It appears that infidelity with discretion (while appearing to have a happy married life) is now embedded into the social system, the more money that you have, the better your wife lives, the more doable it becomes, the internet has made it even easier.

Well off people and their secret agreements. They do not make drama about infidelity no, what do they do? They are discreet about it. Only trashy people talk about affair problems openly and publish their miseries on the internet. People who lack style and who make us feel sorry for their manners.

Classy wealthy people don’t do that kind of thing. They get home early, cook dinner, put the kids to sleep and drink a glass of wine with their significant others. They appear content, respectable in front of society and never ever cause scenes. But each morning, when they wave their partners goodbye from the car and for the day….their fun begins.

They might say it is a work meeting, a work trip, a friends gathering, whatever respectable lie they think of. The other person will hear it, suspect is a lie, look the other way and think: “Fine, of course”.

I will take someone to a hotel room between 3 and 5 and then come home to you at night with a warm loving hug. I will listen to your existencial concerns, talk about the garage opener not working and the new cleaning lady cutting the hours short right after we live the house. Good thing the alarm and the security cameras are working and can warn us about the rip off, right?

“I will fire her next week honey don’t worry”.

Rich people have affairs at lunch time.

Chapter 90. You gave up something for love and now you feel like Ariel the mermaid ten years later

Soon enough my friend became like Ariel the little mermaid when she sold her voice to Ursula in exchange for temporary human legs. The legs that allowed her to go after Eric but that, at the same time, pulled her away from everything that she was: A princess mermaid with a happy life and a loving family.

She was a fish out the water and she did that for love. We all know that.

In the second part Ariel moves to palace and has a human daughter with Eric, the Prince. But when the daugther becomes a teenager what happens? She wants to be a mermaid! Yes, a mermaid. The ironies of life. Ariel has to face now what she has been trying to deny to herself for years: she made comprimises for love that she wished she had not made. As years went by she secretly became more and more nostalgic because she missed the ocean terribly, her sisters, her father, Flounder. She wanted to show it all to her daughter but because she had chosen a life with Eric on Earth, she could not. She could never show her daughter how to swim life a fish. That realization was killing her, but why couldn’t she go back to ocean life? Because she had legs! And who is to blame?

Eric!

At that moment Ariel became resentful and toxic towards Eric.

Eric started to travel more for work and Ariel had sex with the gardener, drank more vodka and spent Eric’s money.

“He owes me”

She thought.

Chapter 89. Flirting on Whatsapp

Flirting on Whatsapp should become a national sport or a medical treatment. It releases endorphins, allows you to procrastinate for hours, if you are lucky even for weeks in a row, gets rid of anxiety and gives you a high*

What a better way to escape from work, a train commute, a doctors’ patient waiting room a boring meeting, a family gathering an award ceremony, a kids movie, etc.  than to flirt with that one person that for the past few days has been feeding you with good vibes and excitement?

I personally love this sport and I highly recommend it. Not only it allows you to be dreamy and happy about your day all day every day, it is also a great way to exercise your mind because let´s face it; when we are flirting with someone for the first time, we try to be witty to appear sharp, intelligent, alert, funny, so the messages that you compose force you to be more creative, more alert and ready for what is coming what is he/she going to respond to that? I better be ready! There is no better time than this.

Then there is that important factor:

The wait.

What an amazing high to see the message pop up! You were waiting, expecting even and boom! What a rush to hit the send botton and to wait for the two lines to become blue (except for people who don´t have that activated) I hate those MFKers.

The down side is when you make plans to meet with a friend that is flirting on Whatsapp. That sucks. Because your friend might probably do this: ignore you completely. It´s a new reality. We have all been there.

Technology has completely changed the rules of the game. Now you can flirt with a complete stranger via instant message and buid a lot of anticipation before the first date even happens. You can have a LDR with someone via instant message, it does not matter if that person lives in another continent. Do you have FaceTime and whatsapp? Yes? Then it´s doable.

Some are even talking about the perks of having a “virtual” boyfriend or girlfriend. It allows you to focus on your life more while fantasizing about your “loved” one or what is yet to come. It applies to sex to. Some friends have even declared to have incredible orgasms just thinking about it.

Could it be that we are becoming more and more comfortable with the virtual and less and less comfortable with the real?

How many of you follow someone on social media get the illusion that there is some sort of bond and then, when you meet the actual person in person you feel that there is nothing to say?

Right.

*DISCLAIMER: provided that the interest is reciprocal, if not, it has the complete opposite effect.

Chapter 88. Toxic Love

My friend is in pain. She does not sleep, she does not eat, she does not enjoy anything whatsoever. Watching her being this way is utterly worry some. I called her and asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink, by the time I stopped by her place (9 PM) she was passed out on the floor.

She does not want to talk about it anymore, she won’t talk about anything else but him. Why he changed, why he lied, why he is doing what he is doing now.

We have been watching our friend for a few months now. She started to date this man a while back, a typical crocodile, and even though the guy seemed really into her and in love, for the past months if not more, she has been suffering. A lot.

My friend used to be a riot, she was always raising up the bar and creating amazing things, fun, easy to talk to, ready for life and with this great ability to make days special.

Then, one day, she had a strike of bad luck, you know, like the cigarretes but the opposite, really bad luck. Everything started to go down the shoot with her relationship, but the situation was so unusual that she could not assess it easily. She became more and more bitter, obsessive and above all, anxious. Who walks around in the morning with a bottle of water filled with vodka?

She did.

She met this guy at a Bahamas singles-only resort, they hooked up, and before she knew it, this guy took over her entire universe. Sometimes I wondered if being bit by a small shark wouldn’t have been a better option.

He sold her a dream life, gave her everything quickly, made her feel like a queen, he was attentive, considerate, loving, capable of ruling the world, so her time, her body and her mind were easy to control too. All of this love coat and amazing red carpet treatment happened only at first. Then he changed, at first a little, then a lot, then there was nothing left of that wonderful man that once opened the door to the best places and did not look at his phone during dinner. My friend started to drink more, changed her lifestyle, her hair color, and started to act like someone new. A person that none of us knew because she was indeed sweet and corky before.

What seemed like a fairy tale, soon became bumpy, yes, a really really bumpy road, the guy was talking about marriage and having a family and made plans for the future yes, but at the same he was pulling away, pulling away from her arms, from her heart, abandoning the relationship while in it, finding a million things to do before spending time with her and making her feel loved like before.

Everything became a bad dream, not only for my friend, but for everyone be else involved. The guy became flaky, his word was no longer trustworthy so my friend became more and more anxious, more demanding, more dependent on what this guy did or did not do, wanted said or thought. All of this while pretending that things were as good as they were at first. She was sad, insecure for the first time ever, but the worst part is that she couldn’t say why because she was fed just enough love to survive on it. She also needed him, she was alone. This guy was by all means, a true emotional terrorist.

What a horrible feeling that is, when you sense that the man of your dreams has stopped loving you, treats you differently and you would rather do anything than to admit it and act on it, whether that is vodka, pills, or doing crazy stupid things to get his attention and love back. It has happened to me too so I can totally relate.

The problem is that crocodiles are crocodiles, they go back to their pond, to get messy, muddy, to be crocodiles, to hang out with their buddies and look for new preys and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that will ever ever change that.

Crocodiles are no pets.

Chapter 87. Friends with my Ex

I asked my ex if he wanted to be friends. He said no. I asked him to reconsider, given the fact that we have shared so much. He said no.

No?

Hearing this “no”loud and clear was one of the hardest things I ever had to hear. That rejection, from the person that you once loved and considered a bit yours leaves you feeling as appeased as a Red Bull drink. Since I’ve heard, it I have become a little bit borderline psycho. I continue to insist and to convince my ex that this is the reasonable option. I simply refuse to be rejected or to admit that this person is out of my life for good, what do I do now? who do I talk to? who do I wait for?

I never meant for things to get this far. How can something lead to another and quickly become undoable. Now, I am a prisoner of my own words. I revisit them, I want to delete them, but they are said.

For the first time ever, I feel insecure about this love, not silly insecure as I was before when I was testing my limits, no, this time things are really messed up. My move might have back fired on me and it drives me crazy to think I have brought up this on myself.

Why do women do this kind of thing? Why do we like to play with fire when we feel that we are in control? When we have a guy head over hills for us? We forget this one detail;

Men are a box of surprises, they love you until they stop doing it, until that one day, when they forget about it, decide is not worth it, and move on.

Why do I want a friendship with him now? Just to prove to myself that I can seduce him back? Just so I can make sure that I am still around? Because let’s be honest, lovers can’t be friends, they simply can’t for a long while until both stop caring.

And that does not happen overnight.

You need the feeling to die, the memories to become really really distant from the present moment and the heart to shut down. This, statistically takes one third of the time your were together.

Sometimes more.

Chapter 86. That magic time right before the first date

That wonderful time when you have met someone, you have established contact using some lame excuse and you both feel like something amazing is about to happen.

You don’t know this person yet, you are cordial and somewhat distant in your communication because it is what you are supposed to do when you don’t know someone, but something about this stranger makes you feel like you are already close friends and you want to sound more familiar than you do. Maybe is what lies beneath the lines, a word, the way you end the statement, a small detail on each end and and you both instantly feel it…boom! the magic punch of love prelude.

Before you know it, you are checking each other out on the internet, you are dying in anticipation for that first date. Yes, it was going to be a work meeting, but somewhere along the line turned into a dinner date and now for the fist time, you understand those American movie scenes when someone is super excited about meeting that other someone, a stranger asking another stranger out.

We are going out on a date! We have a date!

Yuhuuuuuuu!!!!!!! We haven’t disappointed each other, that makes it even more fun, we can write on clean slate.

Life is great.

Chapter 85. Perfect letter to your ex

Did you break up with your girlfriend / boyfriend recently and you feel the need to send that one final letter? Here is a letter that works for most of us who have loved and felt deceived by the other person. Feel free to adjust it to change your needs and share your thoughts!

Dear Ex,

I am writing this letter to let you know that despite the current situation I see the light at the end of this tunnel. Your love was cold blooded and harsh therefore I am convinced that in the end, I will gain with this loss. Unfit, insincere, coward and selfish. That is what you are. Not that I blame you, I take full responsibility for it being the case, I let it all happened.

Over the past months I have been able to really get familiar with your true nature. Now I know that you love no one but yourself . I am for once and for all, ready to break strings with the past, you being the past of course.

It will all come naturally. I will live a free life, not dominated by fear or feelings of insecurity. I am a new person now and in many ways, I owe it to you.

Feeling empowered and in control over my life allows me to regain my strength as a as an individual. This being “on my own” or I should say, not with you will have such positive effect in my relationship with myself and with others that I just can’t wait. I will regain the respect of friends and feel great because of it. I will regain my smile, my peace and my positive vibe, which is as you already know, my greatest asset.

I am reminding myself how strong, awesome and fun I really am and how ready I am to live a full life away from your exhausting ways, ways that by the way,  served to no one but you.

It is time for both of us to part ways, to confront our fears. Mine, a life without you, once my love. Yours, a life alone with no one helping you feed your ego.

Sadly and true and ready for what is good

Me.

Chapter 84. Friends with benefits

I have a friend with benefits. And it’s great.

He and I had been together and it ended up in bad terms. Too much pressure, responsibilities, work, schedules, crying children, financials. What had began like a source of excitement and joy in the early day (the first encounters when we could just not keep our hands off each other and the ongoing unbearable anticipation was so exhilarating) turned into kids’ snacks, having to plan sex around their nap time, kids waking up, kids activities, arguments about friends and family, a long list of external needs getting in the way of passion, lust and pleasure.

Who feels sexy after feeding the kids chicken nuggets? Who is in the mood for a glass of wine and a strep tease in the living room when the kids are sleeping in the room next door?

Nobody. I bet not even Brad and Angeline in their good days.

So we split ways. We each started to see other people, slept with other people and most importantly, let the air run between us. Days went by, weeks went by, months went by, call it a year. Suddenly, you wake up one morning longing for your ex, wanting sex with that person that knows your body and knows how you like it. You don’t miss the fights or the arguments about the kids no, you don’t miss the way that person made you feel or how heartbroken you were when things fell apart. You miss sex with your ex. Period.

So one day the opportunity arises and you take it. A pleasant surprise.

In love as in many other things time is our best ally. The longer it has been since you have seen each other, the more you will want what you no longer have and once had. Call it nostalgia, sense of property, you name it.

So my ex and I started to exchange flirty messages recently, acting as if we had just met on Tinder. Sending pictures and jokes and being really explicit about our wants and needs. I had read a lot about the risks of doing this but I have to say the following: those articles that say that you shouldn’t sleep with an ex are wrong!

Meeting your ex in a hotel room is perhaps one of the most liberating things ever. First, you can skip dinner, second, you know what you are getting, third, you know this person, you like this person and if you are both in agreement you will feel maybe more loved than ever before!

I like the fact that now we each take care of our dirty laundry. The fact that now we actually “make plans” to give each other pleasure and enjoy each other’s company.

Who said that second chances are doomed? They only are if the couple goes back to what didn’t work before but if you find a new ground it can be a lot of fun and who knows, maybe a new door to falling in love again!

Chapter 83. Good intentions

At the beginning of any romantic relationship, we are all filled with good intentions. We want things to work out and last forever, we say and do things with the best of our intentions and set the bar really high. Sometimes to impress the other, sometimes moved by the excitement of the moment, sometimes dreaming out loud because Gezz does early love makes us dream or what?

We feel like the main characters of a romantic comedy, life becomes a movie but with a catch. In a movie you rehearse, you learn the lines and know the ending beforehand. In real life you don’t.

Life is like an ongoing rehearshal of a movie that won´t have an opening night. An absurd performance where nobody has read the script and where at times, we become mere characters spitting out lines and carrying out actions over which we have no control. Actions and words that will have irreversible consequences over our lives by the way….oh yes:

You and I rehearsing for a life together, you and I saying good bye across a table, me fixing things because you can’t, me complaining because the air conditioning was not working in the apartment this summer. You lying, coming and going, me getting the feeling that you hide stuff from me. The spilled coffee on the coffee cup plate, late breakfast…my reactions, yours…

And then silence, the lack thereof.

You waking up there, me waking up here.

I still like the idea of a castle with you, but this castle that you offer lacks foundation and I feel like there are tenants and other landlords that live inside”

Intentions are good for nothing when reality hits. And reality tends to hit hard along the road. That is why that married man won’t leave his wife, that is why that widow will not move in with you even though she intended to. He or she said that they would, yes, it was their intention to do so, but then life happened. The job, the promotion, the sick child or the many other things that get in the way of this poor thing called love.

All those good intentions and promises that we make in the early love stages end up biting us in the butt, resulting too often in heartbreak and disappointment or perhaps even frustration.

Blame love and movies for making us all believe that love conquers all, more often than not it doesn’t.

But it’s certainly worth the try!