Chapter 3. Post-bite notes

Crocodile is coming home at 18.39 pm. We have to take our daughter to a doctors’ appointment. He and I live in separate ponds now.

Four years ago I took him home when he was still a baby crocodile and I must admit that I totally fell for him. Everyone looked at us when we walked down the street together. They would stare in awe like saying: What is that woman doing with a crocodile on a leash? Is she crazy?  But I was convinced that crocodile and I were the best couple indeed and for a while I enjoyed all the crocodile jazz (little bites here and there, all that teeth showing when he would get mad, crocodile escaping from me and running back to the pond,…oh, the good old days!

I though it was kind of fun to have to convince him to get to go the way I wanted and I would find him very attractive whenever he would refuse. My Prince Charming would never do that sort of stuff, he would have done anything to make me happy. How boring. The problem is that I was living in a small flat and as crocodile grew up in size I started to have problems with room and some of his sudden tale waves, not so cute anymore, sometimes even aggressive. He was always hungry too and demanded that I fed him and never fed me back. Once or twice he bit me while I was trying to feed him. I could even starve so that he would have enough to himself. It got to point where I had second thoughts about my choice, and later I felt regret and later on, I had to ask him to go back to his habitat. I had failed.

Crocodile seems to enjoy it. He goes out and plays in the pond, gets dirty and all and feels free as a bird. I am home looking after the children. The one  that I had had with Prince Charming and the daughter I had with crocodile two years back.

Today we had a funny conversation about the wonders of leading separate lives and having time to ourselves. According to most crocodiles, women in the process of getting a divorce should go out and have fun as well, and they say that not because they really love you, but because they are having so much fun that they feel guilty. They know that you are the one at home doing all the work while they hang out late after work and play crocodile football games that turn into dinner and late drinks. But the thing is that they are not comfortable with you going on a proper date either so how are you supposed to have fun as a crocodile divorcee? How do you explain to crocodile that at age 37-45 women are either looking for a hot date or looking for a father to conceive their children? Why would any other woman want to go out have some nice wine with me on Friday night? Right? I don’t see the point either.




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