Chapter 30. Second chances

Second chances in love relationships are known for having a bad reputation, specially when one has disappointed the other person or when one has been unfaithful to the other. Resentment, lack of trust, ego, broken heart or selfesteem get in the way of second chances.

There are millions of couples that breakup for that reason, others break up for alternative reasons but the truth is that unfaithfulness and domestic violence are perhaps the most frequent reasons for a couple to put end to a story. Usually, those couples that stay together after finding out that their partner has been unfaithful do so because they either don’t have the guts to end the relationship or because they don’t have the financial means to do so.

But what if a couple decides to forgive and forget and give themselves another chance after one of them has dissapointed the other? Is it possible for a well established couple to find a new common ground and start over or will resentment prevail?

My friends have decided to give themselves another chance. I was surprised to learn about their decision but after careful consideration, I understood too that it was perhaps the most reasonable option. I can only imagine the heart to heart conversations that they must have had lately. Many couples live together a lifetime without reaching that level of intimacy. It must be difficult to expose yourself to your partner completely and say “I am sorry, I made a mistake please forgive me. I can now say that it is you what I want”.

There are life lessons that can only be learned from experience. Those experiences make you grow as a person and appreciate what you were unable to appreciate before. Falling in love with the wrong person is a big challenge, it’s a personal journey, it makes you face difficult situations and it puts you to the test. Falling in love with the wrong person can in fact help you appreciate your wife, husband or partner more. It is thereby natural for some people to try to get their life back after a faux pas.

When you are in a long relationship from a very young age you can loose track of what you have because as you enter adulthood you discover things about life and about yourself that nobody told you about in college. Maybe you feel like you missed out on something. It is human nature and that is why many high school sweethearts end up splitting and leading different lives. Humans demand for personal growth and that process may push you to experience something different, whatever it is. It is human nature too to want to explore and find out if the grass is actually greener on the other side. Most of the time is not, but few people can spend a lifetime fighting the urge to check it out for themselves. There are so many theories about how we fall in love and why.

More modern couples understand these dilemmas more and more and when faced a challenge of this nature may choose to work on preserving what they have, even after enduring a rough episode. Personal growth is not always an easy task, even less so is couple growth. Recognizing that you have made a mistake is only for the brave, actually forgiving and forgetting other peoples’ mistakes is a gift reserved only for the wise.

People generally say that when it comes to love going backwards it not a good idea. I am not quite sure myself. What is wrong with trying different shoes on only to find out that the ones you had are worn but the perfect fit.

I have said worn not worn out.

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