Chapter 33. The crave

Early love is a drive. People live for love, kill for love and die for love. It provides great joy and great sorrow to those who dare to experience it. When in love your brain gets a rush, some say similar to a drug, and you feel invincible for a few weeks, maybe a few months, maybe a few years. Your obsesion for another person is powerful. Suddenly it gives sense to your life and all those inherently human feelings of insecurity, sadness, anxiety or lack of satisfaction disappear. You feel, you really feel everything in the air, you no longer think to much, at least you do not worry so much, and that not thinking and all that feeling makes you simply and wonderfully happy.

The bothers of everyday life, the feelings of emptiness at work or in general that we all feel at times, in sort, human despair, is gone while early in love. Your mind is now governed by the craving for another person, that you feel is there to complete you. The sole comfort of imagining that you might have a chance at being with that person is reason enough to forget about your worries, some say that this time of uncertainty is precisely the sweetest part of early love (infatuation). You get to fantasize for hours about the object of your desire, you can observe him or her from a distance, your look for that person’s car in the parking lot, at the gym, you go out with the hope of running into that person, you long for their number to show up on your telephone screen and of course you think about sex. Some say that this stage exists only to ensure human procreation, that is, to trick us into having babies… You try to find out everything that you can about that person, focusing on what you like and not seeing what you might not like because love, in that sense, is as blind as people say.

Many people (men or women) are known for not giving themselves completely into the madness that love is. You have perhaps experienced or listened to stories about guys that have commitment problems. Perhaps these people have decided (after a bad experience) that the rush is not worth the suffering, perhaps they never dared to go for it or perhaps they feel that their life is better when is them in control. Like death, love happens to everyone at some point, we can even say that love is life and love is death. The difference is that those who experience romantic love or love at all its stages, live to talk about it, to write about it, to make movies about it or like in my case, to blog about it. Sometimes people going through love don’t even need to talk, you can just see them go up and up in excitement for a while to then observe how they fall and hurt themselves badly. When that happens, it is only natural to remain cautious. Even Prince Charming broke up with me after a wonderful month of dating in France. I never understood his reaction. We were crazy about each other. Now, twelve years later, with a son across the ocean, a broken heart and a divorce on his back, I can understand his hesitance.

So is it worth it? Is it an intelligent thing to fall for someone that way to only find out  later that after some time, in the best case scenario, you will spend the rest of your life with the same person, putting up or tolerating all those things that you dislike about yourself with him/her? The very same things that you were unable to assess during the early love stage? Will you be happy having three kids, a dog and a mortgage? Will you be happy evolving into the love stage that civilized people call “mature or affectionate love” based on companionship and mutual respect? What will you do when those human feelings of anxiety and insatisfaction come back into your life?  What if after falling for that feeling/person and going through all of that you discover that you miss your former self? What if you fall for someone else after having started a family with another person? What if your partner falls for someone else and says ciao overnight?

If someone invented a pill to stop infatuation from happening once you get married would you take it? Would you take it in order to skip the craving or would you skip taking it and go again for the ephemeral  illusion of a happy human life?

Of course happiness can be found in the sense of family, watching your children grow, striving at your career, humanitarian causes, etc…but that is not what I am talking about.


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