Chapter 44. Hungry for more

How are you crazy? That is the first question that we should ask when we meet someone. Why? Because we are all crazy somehow, hungry for more, I am no exception.

Now that I am almost middle age, I realize that most people are a lost case trying to live fulfilling lives with with the same elements. Society values endurance, durability, long run. The difference is that most people feel unsatisfied that way, leading a life that sometimes is not what they want anymore, but forced to repress their desire to tear everything off and start something new from scratch.

Changing patterns, rhythms, songs, habitats should be considered a good thing. It would be like exfoliating, right? If our skin can do it why can´t we?

It would be like living several lives within one life and that would bring us more learning experiences. But doing that seems wrong, you would have to be unfaithful (better to cheat yourself?), you would have to say to your childhood friend, “Bye, nice meeting you”.  You would have to leave your comfort zone and start over or date someone radically different from you, someone that your old friends would disapprove of, someone older, shorter, richer or poorer. It would be like creating, destroying to create again. Could an artist say that an artistic period was better than other? Or would it simply assume that the art of a period speaks for some feelings and circumstances that were replaced by other feelings and circumstances that resulted in another style or proliferation? Is there such a thing as our perfect match? Or are there several people that are perfect for each stage of your life?

Personally, I only feel alive when I see that a new cycle is emerging, it is that inner feeling that you get when you switch from period to period, it is that rush that you get when you are a surfer and after a long wait you see the perfect wave forming in the horizon. You get a new skin, it is a new era. Oxygen. Where do you find your food? Your career? Your expat package? Your trips? Your long stays abroad? The perfect wave?

I find it in human beings. Every so often someone crosses my path that brings hope and joy back into my life. That person becomes the center of my attention, my soul, my mate, my smile, my joy. I feel interested and I find that person interesting. It is not simple attraction,  it is the certainty that a supreme force has put that person (men or female) into my life for a reason. It could be a rediscovered old friend or a new one that I am yet to discover and with whom conversation simply flows from a suddenly open heart. It could be a complete stranger. I only feel gratitude and excitement to get to know that person and find out where that person is meant to take me next.

For a beautiful period of time that hunger disappears.


Chapter 43. The bad mother´s club

I like going on vacation with my girlfriends. Normally we travel as far as we can to forget about our responsabilities, included kids. While on vacation we drink margaritas, we smoke, we tan and we go clubbing like we used to.

There is a certain sense of irreverence in the whole child free vacation booking and vacation planning process that I find quite liberating because every since I became a mother, a part of my old self is gone. This time for myself with my girlfriends reminds me of who I used to be and puts me back in touch with my inner world. Some use meditation for that, but let´s be honest, when you are busy being a mother of two you barely have time to remove your make up before going to bed. I find myslef applying make up in my car every morning when I drop my two year old off at daycare. I either do that or use the red light time to the extent that I wish for the light at the traffic light to go red so I can finish my production process.  By the time I get to the office I have no idea of how I actually look…

When I had my first son I was able to keep my own space for a while. I would leave him with my mother or with a baby sitter or with my mother in law to go out to dinner or to drinks with my friends. I felt no remorse at all. I would leave him for a long weekend to go to the Caribbean with my husband, get some sun, a nice tan and some couple time as well. While there, I did not miss my son like most mothers say they do. That is when I decided to join the bad mother´club.

Bad mothers enjoy motherwood without giving up on all the fun altogether. Bad mothers trade the perfect immaculate diaper bag for a sexy outfit. Bad mothers breastfeed for a few months only because they hate getting up in the middle of the night and because they enjoy a cold beer in a summer afternoon just as much as dad does. Bad mothers like to go back to work and feel that staying at home with baby only works to a point.

I love my children don´t get me wrong, and the older I get the more I am willing to spend my time with them as opposed to with other people. But after too many days watching Sponge Bob and Peppa Pig´s episodes over and over, I really need a break.

Who is with me?

Chapter 42. Hope

It´s a beautiful word, as well as faith,  which in fact are not so different.

These two words tell you that everything is going to work out sooner or later. They have some friends called time and patience. Together, they make every pain go away. They make room for forgiveness and the most important, love.

I hope for love, I have faith in love. Why? Because love moves the world. It inspires me to write this blog, it inspires me to call that friend who I´ve not seen for so long and with whom I used to be so close. Hope is what establishes new friendships, new business ventures. We all hope for the best.

I have had faith for many months when things looked bad, I hoped for a better life and it unfolded before my eyes eventually. There were days where I felt hopeless and those where the worst days. So, whatever happens don´t loose your faith. It does no matter how much you have been hurt, it does not matter how much harm you have caused to a loved one. Hope for forgiveness and don´t loose your faith.

If that person loves you they will forgive because they too, are hopeful for you.

Chapter 41. The perfect man

The perfect man gets home early, puts his kids to bed, reads them a story, the perfect man likes veggies and taking walks at the park. He has a gentle word when you get home tired, he offers you a massage when you feel restless about work. This man knows how to eat, how to take his time before speaking, how to dress and how to drink. He has a way with words and a witty sense of humor. You do not have to talk about everything that you are doing because he just knows what you are up to. You do not have to ask what he likes or feels like doing because you just know that he will feel pretty much just like you do.

The perfect man does not go over the speed limit when the kids are in the car, he books his vacation and tickets to events well in advance. He creates spread sheets to calculate all the expenses and optimizes everything effortlessly, which gives you peace of mind and a wider budget. He never pays late fees and checks the bank and credit cards statements often just to verify charges, not to control how much you spend on Aveda products. He refinances, he negotiates fees with suppliers and actually uses the credit card rewards before they expire. He is liked by others and does well at work. Like him, his life is perfect, his friends are perfect for the most part and his family is as perfect as it gets.

He never watches football games at home without asking if you are ok with it because being the sensible man that he is, he understands that you might feel like watching something else. He never looks at other women other than his own and if he does, he is on his own and simply imagines the possibility of having something different than what he has. Then he remembers what he has and he gets back on track.

He remembers your birthday, your anniversary and the day of your first date. He sends your flowers to the office for no reason and shows up at work to take you to lunch. He is there to support you emotionally and financially when and if needed and likes to see you smile. He will go out of his way just to see you smile.

The perfect man will go way out of his way to see you smile.