Some women do odd things when they go through a divorce. Some hire the best lawyer in town to get the most out of their broken marriage, some seclude themselves at home with the kids feeling sorry for themselves, spending countless hours on the phone telling their friends about their ex´s latest moves and looking at old photo albums.
I did all of the above. And I wrote.
Since thousands of women have gone through this moment what better thing than to document the sleepless nights, the anxiety and the sad, really sad feelings that go through our veins when a love story ends? Because a failed love story began one day when the hopes were high and the butterflies ran free inside our stomachs, when the person that you meet in front of a judge today was the one taking you to cloud nine.
Crocodile and I had those moments. He literally turn my world upside down, made me forget about my former life, set my heart on fire. He was so kind, so loving and so attentive that nothing else matter.
One day, without prior notice, he changed. He began to act like I was no longer the center of his universe and that put a crack in my heart, a crack that ended up at a family court house. A crack that became bigger and bigger and caused me to suffer from insomnia, to loose a lot of weight, to feel increasingly sad, to forget or not care about important events, friends. The crack took over my peace, controlled my temper and pushed me into a serious depression.
Women endure many things for love. Many lies, many disappointments and even many insults that would have seemed impossible when you first met.
For me the worse was to be replaced by another women before I even had had time to move out with my two kids.
Crocodile wanted to fly solo, marriage was not for him he said, he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. He had filed for bankruptcy and needed to sell the house etc. At that point the level of suffering was already unbearable. He acted like a bitter man most of the time.
I left and filed for divorce. Who wants to force someone to love them back? Only a few days after I had moved into a small apartment with my two small children he asked a new woman to move in with him, proposed and took her to Bali. They posted pictures on Facebook from out bed. This girls´underwear made it to my new house though the cleaning lady that we were still sharing.
At that point you stop suffering and begin struggling with reality. Because we are women and because we are mothers, we find the strengh to remove the bullets, clean the wounds, put lipstick on, and stand up.