Chapter 61. Sociopathic Love

A sociopath man is incapable of loving. Watch out for a sudden lack of empathy, remorse, shame or guilt and manipulative games that can dragged any woman into a state of dispair. All of a sudden, a sociopath might seem bored around you,  ready to humiliate, ignore you with his actions and hurt you with his words.

It was Valentine´s Day a year ago. I did not know it but I was married to a nacissistic sociopath. A person with an ongoing disregard for the rights or needs of others.

Let´s provide a list of what constitutes sociopath behavior in a man engaged in a romantic relationship:

  • they are extremely charming at first
  • they promise the moon, they know how to make a woman feel special
  • they are extremely generous at first and will make you a part of everything
  • because they cater to themselves first, they are usually successful and wealthy
  • they are very impulsive
  • they have high IQ
  • they might have had a difficult childhood or parental relationship
  • they might have been arrested
  • they rationalize the pain they inflict in others
  • they are unable to feel remorse or guilt
  • they can be promiscuous and act normal the next day
  • they have a grandiose sense of self
  • they think that they can rule the world
  • they do not have many friends, they might have a “bitch” easy-to control best friend
  • they have the ability to remain calm under pressure
  • they have micro expressions of anger
  • they are easily ofended
  • they are prone to drama
  • they can turn their emotions on and off
  • they use intense contact with their victim to manipulate
  • they stay away from other sociopaths
  • they know what they are
  • their ultimate goal is to make you their victim

So, if you find yourself exhausted, analizing a situation over and over where you think you did nothing wrong but somehow you are the one to blame, if you are always catering and “doing favors” to your boyfriend, if he gets mad all the time and defensive when he is at fault, if you are trying and trying to show love and get nothing back, if your knee hurts and he doesn´t care but when he is sick you are always there and takes it for granted, if he went from making you the center of his attention to hardly spending time with you, if you think he lies, if you think he cheats, if you somehow find out about those things and he tries to justify saying that “you leave him no choice but to be that way” you are dating a sociopath.

It is very difficult to get out, it is very painful to let go. You want the charming person back, you want the man that loved you back.

He does not exist.

I am turning off my phone tomorrow in case a sociopath calls me and tells me that I am after all, the woman of his life and that he will always be there for me.

 

Chapter 60. When you ditch a guy

You have been nice to your friend for a long time. He likes you, it is obvious that he does, but you are simply not into him. You wish that you were, but you aren´t. Period.

Well, this is a very common situation and women have a harder time dealing with it than men. Why? Because we are more sensitive and more empathetic than men.

When a man doesn’t like a girl he simply does not pay any attention to her, he will spend time with his friends, ask her to loose some weight, he will tell her wrong in everything that she does and he will simply not feel bad about not answering whatsapps, calls or emails. Guys are good at that.

Women aren’t.

Because we are raised to care about others, we care about other people´s feelings also. Thus, we find it a lot harder to tell someone off, to ditch someone to say to a friend that we are NOT interested in a romantic relationship. So we make up excuses and kick the tin far along the road to see if the guys simply gets tired, meets somebody else or gives up. The catchy thing is that women like the attention let´s be honest, who doesn’t like having somebody interested in them? Somebody who thinks so highly of you and who thinks that you are the awesomest woman on hearth (he doesn´t know you obviously).

But this scenario is not fair to the guy so let´s give a few tips to ditch a guy for once and for all when nothing else works. Most of these tips are things that men do all the time and listen, if it works for them it is worth a try!

  1. talk about other guys, a lot, and post pictures
  2. be a horrible texter (misspelled words, extra spaces, show you don’t care)
  3. be vulgar in your vocabulary and manners
  4. give him the cold shoulder
  5. talk over him
  6. ignore his requests
  7. be less attractive
  8. be a sloppy drunk
  9. forget his birthday
  10. block him

That should do it!

What happens next? He will be offended, disappointed, he will be mean to you, he will exhibit all the negative aspects of his personality and you will be able to see what could have taken you years to discover.

The difference is that, soon after you implement these tips, you will see the guy´s true colors because when a man feels rejected, specially if you are ditching him for another man, the cute talk is replaced by the rude talk.

Your gain.

If despite your efforts, he shows concern, wants to understand why you have changed your behavior and still has feelings for you, he might be marriage material.

Chapter 59. Last Valentine´s Day

This is a day for lovers they say, for people in love who crave each other or who stick together nevertheless. The rose, the date the chocolate mousse and the usual gift or marriage proposal. Note to all boyfriends: let Valentine´s Day alone, just do the dinner part and leave the marriage proposal for another day, will you?

Proposing on Valentine´s Day is tacky. Let´s name other tacky things that people do when in love: go to Venice, go to Paris, go to Rome, get matching tattoos, eating strawberries and champagne at a hotel room, make love on top of rose petals spread on the bed, get a couple´s massage, feed each other food in front of other people (gross) kiss with tongue at a restaurant after a toast, proposing at a restaurant, pick up your date in a limousine.

There are so many things….I have done them all. Well, except for the tattoos, crocodile and Mrs. Reggaeton did that…what can I do? They are tackier than me.

The thing is. A year ago I was sitting at the kitchen counter with a cigarette and a cup of coffee at the crocodile´s pond and I felt so restless that I opened my laptop and started to write this blog. Hours after the first post “He was so damn perfect that I left him for a crocodile” I had over 350 visits and messages from women all over the world. Who is this crocodile and why have we all had one in our lives?

Crocodile is any men, who has taken a woman for granted.

He is the guy that do not buy you flowers, does not remember your birthday, doesn’t ask how your day was, does not show any interest to meet or spend time with your friends, or you, for that matter. He is the asshole who stands you up at an island when he is supposed to meet you there for a few days, the one that asks for attention when he is sick but does not even lay next to you when you are sick. He always picks up the movie, tells you that you are fat after deliverying his baby and if you have post partum depression, he wakes you up in the middle of the night and calls you a bad mother.

A year ago I was alone on Valentine´s Day, writing this blog.

I did not go out to dinner a year ago, I got a lousy T-shirt and one yellow rose one day later. Crocodile style. The man who managed to hurt me and make me feel inadequate and insignificant even when pretending to be doing the right thing.

This year I will buy myself flowers, lots of them.  I will toast to myself at home with a glass of nice wine named after me and a big smile on because the best is yet to come. Maybe I will be alone, maybe not.