b) you act upon it. you are the one that ends it, you don’t want to end it, but your partner leaves you no choice.
You could find yourself in the scenario shown in the previous chapter or a completely different one. For example, when third persons come into the picture or the case of an unbalanced career situation.
You and your partner have nothing left to talk about any more. You are the main family care taker (man or woman) and you spend most of your time at home because you are a stay at home parent, now, it didn’t use to be the case, you and your partner met while you were both professionals but it is the case now. Now maybe you are working from home, you exercise and go shopping while your partner is at work, but your life feels empty. Your partner gets home (provided that he or she is not out of town for business) and as of late you don’t feel excited to see your partner come home because at some point along the road you started to feel resentment. Since the kids were born, or since the promotion, you have been growing apart. Your partner once devoted to you, has been focusing mostly on himself/herself, his/her career, work ok, but this job involves hanging out with people and having fun while you are at home all alone, alienated from life in general. That makes you resentful.
This is unfair and you feel like you are living his life. Your partner doesn’t show any respect or recognition towards you. The two things that are necessary in business and that should apply in a household as well as a rule of thumb. And you think, if this principles rule in business with hundreds of people why aren’t they applied towards me?
If the only thing keeping you together is the kids. Your partner wants the kids, loves the kids to death and needs someone to look after them during the work trips . If you now get the feeling that you are spending your partners’ money, you are not in a good place.
All in all you are not happy with this set up, you feel lonely in your partner’s company and undervalued, not empowered as a person. So you nag, you bitch, you moan, and you become a person that you hate.
As a desperate measure you choose to leave your partner to see if your partner realizes what you are worth.
A few things can happen; either this announcement of intentions will act as an eye opener and improve the situation, it will make your partner mad, or (the worse) your partner will show no opposition, which will confirm your theory that your partner is not in love, at least not with you.
In the event that your partner reacts in a positive manner, you might or might not want to unmade your decision to leave because, after all, it should not have to take this for a good companion to acknowledge your discomfort. What kind of love is selfish and self centered all the time?
So you have filed for divorce, now you are heartbroken, your life is broken and you are so mad…mad because this is not the outcome that you had imagined. Love is supposed to feel great, is not shellfish, it knows no fear, it has no doubt, and what you felt your your partner lately was very different from that.
Yet, you acted upon it, people will think that you were brave deciding to end the relationship but the breakup was really not by choice. You were pushed to end it. Ultimately it was your partner who abandoned the romantic relationship. What you didwas simply to avoid a state of denial.