Chapter 69. He won’t leave his wife

d) you realize that you are not getting what you need and that you are never going to get it.

I’ve been looking for camouflage panties all over London. I am meeting with my lover next weekend and I like to keep things spicy. He has been planning this amazing trip to Maldives for us, a way to compensate me I reckon.

We have been in a romantic relationship for about 12 years, and for 6 of those years I did not know about the other person existing. By the time I found out it was too late, I was so in love, I simply could not imagine my life without my love. We are so happy together. Not happy like the other couples, no, we truly are happy, enjoy each other and have the same interests in mind. So instead of breaking up with him immediately I asked if that situation could be fixed. He said yes and I chose to believe it but nothing has changed indeed. We are great friends, we get along, we tell each other everything and have the best sex on Earth so I am sure that he loves me. Yet, he won’t leave his wife, he won’t, he simply keeps putting it off.

“After Christmas”

“After Natalie’s First Communion”

“Once the kids are back to school”

“Once the kids are out of the house”

The thing is, that day never comes.

Years have gone by and I am still “the other one”. I want to start a family, it is about time, but because of the messy love situation that I am in, I don’t even dare to. I cry and cry because I am 36, I so want to have a baby and the man I love will never agree to it.

I remember the first day I met my love. It was at the beach, his swimming suit was camouflage patterned and I just remember lifting up my head and seeing him there, standing right in front of me, smoking a cigar. I fell in love.

He was there alone with two kids and another guy with a little girl so I immediately thought “two divorced dads hanging out on vacation”. Soon thereafter my friend came out of the bar and said hello to one of them. Before I knew it, we were all having drinks together. It was such an amazing evening. One of those evenings that you remember forever. Everything seemed to flow perfectly. The drinks, the sunshine, the conversation.

Little did I know about all the suffering that would follow.

I broke up with my love recently. I call him my love because that is exactly what he is. My love.

I was meeting him to see a condominium that we were going to buy together. He never came to the showing, he stood me up. He called one hour later saying that he had been pulled into a conference call and asking if we could re schedule. I was mad but I say ok and I did. He did not come to the second appointment either. I felt embarrassed, the real estate agent gave me this pity look and I saw it clear. This guy was never going to give me what I needed. It reminded me of another occasion one year ago, when he stood me up in an island because one of his daughters wanted him to go to a play with the entire family. I remember the feeling being left alone and spending the night at the hotel room. Sardinia, a natural paradise, turned hell.

“This is enough, I am done”.

I asked him to meet me at our favorite café. I broke up with him. Don’t ask me how I did it, but I did it. I was surprised at my gut, he was surprised at my gut, he asked me not to, he said that he would finally move out of the house and come live with me, but at that point, for some reason, It was already too late, I no longer wanted it.

Men like to play around when married, and many married women like to pretend they don’t know.

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