I have a friend with benefits. And it’s great.
He and I had been together and it ended up in bad terms. Too much pressure, responsibilities, work, schedules, crying children, financials. What had began like a source of excitement and joy in the early day (the first encounters when we could just not keep our hands off each other and the ongoing unbearable anticipation was so exhilarating) turned into kids’ snacks, having to plan sex around their nap time, kids waking up, kids activities, arguments about friends and family, a long list of external needs getting in the way of passion, lust and pleasure.
Who feels sexy after feeding the kids chicken nuggets? Who is in the mood for a glass of wine and a strep tease in the living room when the kids are sleeping in the room next door?
Nobody. I bet not even Brad and Angeline in their good days.
So we split ways. We each started to see other people, slept with other people and most importantly, let the air run between us. Days went by, weeks went by, months went by, call it a year. Suddenly, you wake up one morning longing for your ex, wanting sex with that person that knows your body and knows how you like it. You don’t miss the fights or the arguments about the kids no, you don’t miss the way that person made you feel or how heartbroken you were when things fell apart. You miss sex with your ex. Period.
So one day the opportunity arises and you take it. A pleasant surprise.
In love as in many other things time is our best ally. The longer it has been since you have seen each other, the more you will want what you no longer have and once had. Call it nostalgia, sense of property, you name it.
So my ex and I started to exchange flirty messages recently, acting as if we had just met on Tinder. Sending pictures and jokes and being really explicit about our wants and needs. I had read a lot about the risks of doing this but I have to say the following: those articles that say that you shouldn’t sleep with an ex are wrong!
Meeting your ex in a hotel room is perhaps one of the most liberating things ever. First, you can skip dinner, second, you know what you are getting, third, you know this person, you like this person and if you are both in agreement you will feel maybe more loved than ever before!
I like the fact that now we each take care of our dirty laundry. The fact that now we actually “make plans” to give each other pleasure and enjoy each other’s company.
Who said that second chances are doomed? They only are if the couple goes back to what didn’t work before but if you find a new ground it can be a lot of fun and who knows, maybe a new door to falling in love again!