Chapter 96. Having children may destroy your relationship.

Let´s make something clear: kids alter relationships.

Men, most of them, like to enjoy life without the responsibility. Women in return, marry with the idea of starting a family and have kids because for many women, having kids is a dream come true, starting a family is what we have been taught and in other cases shit just happens. For most women kids become their first love and their love life, their relationship, suffers as a result. One because men do not like to share the attention with screaming little beings that they will need to care for and support for at least 18 years, small beings that they don´t know and that enter their house to offer sleep deprivation, diapers, bottles, expenses, more in law time and endless weekends at home. Not fun. Two because sex becomes less feasible when the kids are in the house. There are of course other instances in which the father becomes in love/obsessed with their offspring. In these cases the woman will get pissed off, depressed, jealous and resentful, that also kills the relationship.

Who likes to add responsibility and more pressure to adult life in these times where job and financial stability are as flaky as an onion? Who likes to wake up naked after a night of passion and lust and see a small walking baby with a pacifier enter the room and crawl into your bed, the bed where you just had sex? Nobody. Besides, women when they become moms will be so preoccupied about the kids that they will not appear as sexy as before not to mention relaxed or done up. They will be one thing instead: exhausted.

Many men affirm not to feel attracted to their partners after they give birth. How can you be attracted to someone that carried and expelled a baby out their vagina in front of you? Do you love that woman? Yes. Do you find her misterious, sexy, dirty in bed as before? Not really. After your child calls your once sex partner mom repeatidly in the middle of the night sex appeal kind of goes away, not to mention the breastfeeding part.

I have been married twice and twice I had kids wiht my respective husbands. We love our kids to death but the kids in both cases, ruined the marriage and the relationship. After that I had a serious boyfriend whom I thought to marry and one again, the kids, the pressure that kids and their education brought to the table killed the relationship. Because let´s make another thing clear: if it is hard with your kids it is even harder with someone else´s.

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Chapter 95. Love the artist

I always knew that my third husband would be an artist.

I have done the foreigner, the business man, it’s time for an artist.

Artists have always fascinated me. Their ongoing suffering, preoccupation, fear, anxiety and nostalgia are common to me. Artists are like any other men but more honest. They will tell you things like “I am good for nobody” or “I can’t belong to you” or “I want to die” or ” I am not interested in a relationship because I hate human kind” and it´s true, we always hurt each other along the way…

Statements like this will set the bar low and prepare the ground for what is coming: just life, mere existence shaped in moments and shared ephemerally with some artist that feels ten times more, sees ten times more, suffers ten times more. Someone that announces to be selfish and harmful from day one. I´ll buy it, who wouldn’t? Finally the truth.

Artists are special beings indeed, to be preserved, loved and nurtured. To be understood, supported and most importantly: inspired. Only one kind of woman can be with or be loved by an artist: a muse, a woman strong enough to inspire during the artist´s creation / destruction process of each day, a woman that is above the mediocrities of human kind. A woman capable of playing the part and put up with the drama for a period of time regardless of its duration, a period during which the artist will feel alive, will breath fresh air, will find hope and energy to do what they do best: art.

Art in whatever form it is it’s an expression of the soul and the soul of an artist should be preserved and fed, perceived as the most expensive jewel in a jewelry store since it communicates the common feelings of a whole society at a given time.

Frida, Gala, Alfonsina, Rosalía, Isabel and thousands of others are nodding at this.

Chapter 85. Perfect letter to your ex

Did you break up with your girlfriend / boyfriend recently and you feel the need to send that one final letter? Here is a letter that works for most of us who have loved and felt deceived by the other person. Feel free to adjust it to change your needs and share your thoughts!

Dear Ex,

I am writing this letter to let you know that despite the current situation I see the light at the end of this tunnel. Your love was cold blooded and harsh therefore I am convinced that in the end, I will gain with this loss. Unfit, insincere, coward and selfish. That is what you are. Not that I blame you, I take full responsibility for it being the case, I let it all happened.

Over the past months I have been able to really get familiar with your true nature. Now I know that you love no one but yourself . I am for once and for all, ready to break strings with the past, you being the past of course.

It will all come naturally. I will live a free life, not dominated by fear or feelings of insecurity. I am a new person now and in many ways, I owe it to you.

Feeling empowered and in control over my life allows me to regain my strength as a as an individual. This being “on my own” or I should say, not with you will have such positive effect in my relationship with myself and with others that I just can’t wait. I will regain the respect of friends and feel great because of it. I will regain my smile, my peace and my positive vibe, which is as you already know, my greatest asset.

I am reminding myself how strong, awesome and fun I really am and how ready I am to live a full life away from your exhausting ways, ways that by the way,  served to no one but you.

It is time for both of us to part ways, to confront our fears. Mine, a life without you, once my love. Yours, a life alone with no one helping you feed your ego.

Sadly and true and ready for what is good

Me.

Chapter 79. The Ex

One must love French movies.

In French movies exes are cordial and meet up at family events. They can even exchange supportive smiles when their man ex/man is acting like a total fool in their presence.

Some Hollywood movies have taken this subject to the big screen but those movies are without a doubt, based on French films.

The French are sophisticated, socially and politically speaking and therefore, they manage past love stories better than most of us mortals, maybe because they understand that love is ephimeral and stories don´t last forever. Having that clear saves us a lot of hostlity. Maybe because they understand that men, those matians, are something that all women endure at some point.

Why is it that we systematically hate our partner’s ex? Personally I don’t see the point in doing so. Call me a researcher but I always try to analyze closely the person that left the job or the person that was “fired” because let’s face it, who better than an ex employee/boss to give you hints about what is coming your way? Don´t people ask for referrals?

Right. But most women, moved but nothing but ego, mistakenly think the following:

“He did that because she was such a bitch. He won’t do it to me”

Ha, Ha,  Ha!

Wait, I just choked on my porridge.

Chapter 73. Those martians

John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars women are from Venus, defines men as martians, beings from another planet. His book is a bestseller worldwide, Why? Because there is some truth to it. Gaining perspective on how the opposite sex thinks and feels is a universal need so no wonder why the book has been translated into 27 languages and continues to be the perfect gift.

The book’s offer is very clear and useful: how to minimize te impact of disagreements between men and women and how to learn to deal with / comprehend your partner.

It appears that men need to feel useful and women need to feel protected somehow. What a perfect combination! So, why are there so many problems that arise along the way? Simply because men and women see and deal with life differently.

When a woman has a problem she talks to other women about it. When a man has a problem, he distances himself from the woman, by doing so, the woman becomes angry and upset, feels abandoned, dissapointed and hence, acts the part. Men sense it and think “great, now I have another problem”, instead of being understanding, she is adding to my already complicated situation. What does the man do next? He pulls even further away.

Crisis.

She thinks: “He is not the same” “He only wants to spend time at work or with his friends” “He wont talk to me about his problems” and a long etc.

He thinks: “I can´t deal with this woman she is so difficult, she has no idea of what I am going through, if she did, she would be more understanding. I don´t need to talk about the problem, I need to solve it! and since I am a man I don´t want her help or her support now. Can she just simply leave me alone and let me deal with it my way?”

No. We want to talk about it, like women do, we want to feel included and above all, we want our martian to pay attention to us and be loving to us. Don´t do it and you are in hell. We are in hell. Everyone is in hell.

The author talks about the cave that man go into when faced with problematic situations and it´s so true. Women meet up for coffee and talk about their problems and men distance themselves and go back to the cave. I used to have a boyfriend that did exactly that, not only when he was overwhelmed but when he was sick too. He would not come out until he was feelling better or the problem was solved. By him. Alone.

The problem is that women along the way feel abandoned and upset, they demand attention, start acting differently and pass constant messages of discomfort and unhappiness. This only agravates the situation because there is only one frustration bigger from a martian than all the problems in the world and that is:

Not being able to make their woman happy.

So they leave.