Chapter 51. Men want to be the crocodile

Catering to a woman’s needs and falling for a woman leads to having in laws, screaming children, reduced budgets and less time to play in the pond with other male crocodiles. As a result, men admire the crocodile and want his lifestyle.

Those who find themselves already in the rat race, meaning, those who are already married with children and with a used up relationship that only leads to sexual encounters once a week (if they are lucky) but don’t have the guts or the financial means to go “solo”, find hobbies or excuses to get a taste of the crocodile’s lifestyle when in fact, they would want to be like him. They would prefer to be him and say “screw this, tell me how much you want for child support, I’m outta here” and leave running straight back to their pond.

Why? Because being the crocodile rules. He gets to decide when and where to play paddle with his friends, he goes out during the week, plays soccer, plays cards, he owes no explanations to no one and he has cash to spend on whatever he wants, sports equipment, new expensive clothes…it is his money so why would he need to feel bad about spending more on himself, right? He is in his forties and has this urgent need to feel young while he can and burn life. As long as he is diligent with child support no woman will ever nag at him about something he does. Ever.

My friend thinks is ok to be unfaithful as long as he doesn’t get caught. “I like being married, in fact, I need to be married, it gives me stability. I love my wife and children, but I won’t stop doing what I do” Crocodile.

He is not the only man that admires other crocodiles that are more alpha than him, like that single American guy that landed recently in Ibiza with a plane full of models to pack his boat party and demonstrate his ubber crocodile lifestyle.

“That guy really knows how to do it” My friend says. And you know what? Most men secretly agree.

“Women are inferior to men, the only difference is that I have the guts and the means to say it out loud and to live by it” crocodile would say.

Familywise many crocodiles are well off too because as a result of being more or less married to a woman, they gain small children to call their own. Crocodile moms will always make sure to do all the “dirty work” the weekend that their son keeps the children so that babyboy does not have to get up early or cook the kids’lunch or make the kids’ beds or do the kids laundry or all those “women’s duties”. Being the mamas boy that he is, he still gets his socks and underwear from mom because his head would probably explode if he had to figure out his own size…Like the one time he bought me expensive lingerie and when I opened the box I found an older ladies kind of ensemble and a bra that was for my giant sister. Wishful thinking I suppose…

Mom will also be available to mind the kids on Friday and Saturday night so her baby can go out and have fun as a man should. In short, she will make sure to diminish the work that you, as a mother, do all the other days of the month and therefore, ensure that crocodile does not value it.

Great job ladies, great job.


Chapter 22. Cooking for the in-laws

There are many things that a woman is supposed to know how to do, one of those things is cooking. For most people and for most guys too, eating favorite dishes is a very important and pleasant thing to do. But don’t be frustrated if you are not a good cook or if after many years together you sense that your partner prefers his mom’s recipes.

You can change that easily.

I happen to be a great cook myself and when it comes to food there is something that all guys love without exception: sandwiches. I love to eat, and since I have travelled all over the world, I have had the opportunity to learn about different ingredients and culinary methods. I have fun mixing and matching things and the best medium possible for that is the sandwich, an apparently simple but delicious dinner option.

So don´t try outdoing your mother in laws´stew or meatballs. Make awesome sandwiches instead that will make your home a XXI century home. Here are some winners:

The Reuben Sandwich: Rye bread, corn beef, swiss cheese, sauerkraut and Russian dressing. Make sure to toast the bread and serve it hot.

Ham & Cheese melts: A classic. Use butter to toast the bread (any kind) on a pan and add lots of cheese. Serve with ketchup.

Australian Delight: Two pieces of toast with mash avocado, vegemite (beef extract) fried egg and black pepper. Also makes a great brunch.

The Catalonian: On baguette put Iberian ham, fresh tomato puree (grated) and extra virgin olive oil.

The Fajitas: Strings of chicken breast on a pan with Mexican spices, three color bell peppers and onions cut in julienne sautéed on a pan and served on tortilla flats with melted cheese and avocados. You can add cilantro and fresh cream.

Serve any of the above with tortilla chips and salsa and a beer or wine and you will win the battle for good.

If you want to have some fun, make their baby love your fast food first and then prepare the Mexican option for your in laws when they come visit you. They will hate the spices,  you will seem really good hearted in front of your boyfriend and your in laws will never come back to your house for lunch on a Sunday.

Alternatively, you can show these recipes to your partner and have him cook for you.